Chlese Jiles

“When I first arrived at Hambidge, I was a little bit afraid of everything - the vast amount of woods, the silence, how dark it gets at night, and the depth of knowledge & expertise I could see in all of my peers. I was feeling that ever-invasive imposter syndrome but trying my best to trust in the fact that I was chosen, so that must mean I belong here. As we sat and listened to Mindy talk on day one during the orientation, I knew that despite my fears, this was a friendly place.

We were encouraged immediately to rest and to take time, to explore and find our home here. I knew that's what I needed, but it's so nice for this big, scary residency that you somehow got accepted to give you that permission. So I took my time and I opened up to Hambidge. I got used to the sound of nothing at night; I let myself walk in the dark for small periods of time on the way home from dinner; I delved into conversations that I didn't really know if I was qualified to enter; I went on hikes and ran into spider webs! And I realized that, hey, I'm okay! And, it was fun, too. I think this trepidation and overcoming of strangeness and unfamiliarity is the nature of making work.

Every time you delve to create something new, you're affronted with this feeling of "who am I? how can I make this?" But you have to remember each time that to even begin, you're going to have to become comfortable with the uncertainty of where this work will take you. Hambidge is a place that makes you feel that, first, bodily in everything you do. In eating with and talking to people you've never met, in living in a home that makes you wonder what new insect will be waiting for you, in taking away your ability to distract yourself with whatever is going on in the outside world and forces you to figure out how to start being here. And once you've figured out it's not so bad, you remember that you *can* make! It may be sloppy or unfinished but it's born of *your* imagination. Hambidge gives you, either for the first time or for the hundredth time in your life, the space you need to believe in yourself and in your work. I began doing freelance for the first time this past November, and by the time I arrived at Hambidge, I felt so unsure of what direction I should be moving in. Now, as I leave this place, it's like I've been given a new breath and I know what I must do.”

– Chlese Jiles, Louisiana, Illustration, Argent Financial Fellow